Tell your friends you're proud of them (Wednesday Wonderings)
A few years ago I made a conscious decision to tell more of the people that I care about, that i’m proud of them. I did this because I was noticing that people were doing really hard things and a lot of it was invisible and even when it wasn’t, things were not being fully acknowledged or appreciated. Pretty standard stuff for the hectic lives we lead these days.
Around the same time, I also began consciously offering praise which was not specific to outcomes, or task completion, but rather simply for the brilliant human beings in front of me. Considering these interactions as units of recognition, as they are defined in the world of Transactional Analysis, I moved from giving conditional positive strokes, specific to something someone was doing / had done, to providing more unconditional positive strokes, which relate more generally to the person themselves. You can read here for more information about the types of strokes we exchange and why we might find it hard to do so.
Why did I do this ? The simple answer is because
We are Human Beings not Human Doings!
Having worked in education for almost 30 years, giving conditional feedback was an easy habit to fall into, especially when we consider how much of school is measured by outcomes, such as attendance and grades. But i’ve since learned the value of acknowledging who someone is, over their specific actions.
I feel fortunate that my career has taken me down various paths where connecting with other humans is the basis of all work that occurs, whether this is in parenting, or advocating for their children (and themselves) within our education system, and now whilst training to become a Psychotherapist too. There is a lot of “humaning” going on and i’m right here for it!
Which is why I want people to know that they are people to be proud of.
I want people to know that I see their efforts, even if it is just a case of putting one foot in front of the other some days. And I also want people to know that I see them, for who they are.
Finally, I’d like people to know that I see their value and in doing so, perhaps they will too.
Kelly Taylor