That tricky transference stuff.... (Wednesday Wonderings)

An example from Shrinking (Apple TV)

I’ve just finished season 3 of Shrinking, which has been brilliant.

If you’ve not heard about this show yet, it stars Harrison Ford as Paul Rhoades, an experienced CBT therapist, who owns a practice in Pasadena, California.

The characters in this show are so likeable and the fact that therapy processes are interwoven throughout the script, means that so many of the challenges they face, are not only more understandable from a therapeutic perspective, but the way that they respond to each other, is often through a therapeutic lens. I love it !

Image from Apple TV

Jimmy Laird played by Jason Segel and Gaby Evans played by Jessica Williams are Ford’s formidable colleagues at the Rhoades Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Centre. This series is full of heart breaking and heart-warming moments that highlight the complexity of human relationships, not only amongst these colleagues and their friends, but also with their clients too.

There’s a moment in episode 10, aptly titled “the bodyguard of sadness”, where Segel and Ford have a rupture and Segel discharges his upset and anger on Ford’s character, when really these are somewhat displaced after Segel’s character missed an opportunity to tell his dad how he really feels….. You can read here , here and here about how normal and unavoidable ruptures are.

For context, Segel’s dad in the show has a long standing history of letting him down. He has on many occasions bailed on him when a better offer has come along and Segel’s character knows that he plans to do the same to Segel’s daughter with her upcoming graduation from High School. It pains Segel to know that his dad, someone that most people view as charming, is actually continuing to perpetuate harmful behaviour towards him, by abandoning his family again at such an important milestone.

So when Segel is shouting at Ford about how angry he is, about how unimportant he feels in Ford’s life, and how he is feeling abandoned because Ford’s character is moving away, Ford just listens.

And you can see the moment cross Segel’s face when he realises what’s going on, that he is unloading on to Ford, when really this is meant for his dad. Ford’s character meets him with kindness and suggests taking a break, stating that he thinks the feelings that Segel is having, “might be meant for someone else.” And he’s right on the money!

I talk often about how anger is a secondary emotion and that what is usually underneath that is something we feel less able to hold/ bare/ tolerate, such as sadness or shame.