Life Scripts (Subscriber bonus)

Personal Life Plans that we develop in early childhood

Lapworth and Sills, in their 2011 edition of An Introduction of Transactional Analysis, define life scripts as the development of a lived narrative. We all have our own individual scripts and these develop in very early life as we learn through our personal experiences and perceptions of what is happening around us. We learn quite quickly, how we need to be in relation to those around us, in order to get our needs met and this is based on our basic human need for survival. The thing with scripts though, is that we tend to over generalise from our earlier, then current, experiences as children, and project or assume that things will always be that way, into adulthood.

These scripts, or “personal life plans” (Lapworth and Sills 2011) develop between 0-7 years of age and are impacted by our cultural norms, parental expectations and societal expectations, including those from other authority figures in our lives such as grandparents and teachers. Whilst developed in early childhood, these scripts form lifelong assumptions and predictions for us and are often rehearsed and revised in adulthood, typically by the demonstration of behaviours which are unconscious and confirm what we already think about ourselves. e.g., “I am unlovable” or “people don’t want to be around me”.

Given that a child’s decision-making processes are not cognitive or conscious at such a young age, the development of script is usually referred to as being emotional, or visceral, e.g., felt before thoughts can make sense of it all. And because of the inherent vulnerability of being a child and relying on caregivers, it is very easy for children to give up their early sense of self and their autonomy, in favour of the messages they receive from those around them.

Script messages are those that are given by caregivers and perceived by the child. Even with the best intentions, parental fears, unresolved trauma and conflicts will permeate through to the child and often in harmful ways. Also called Injunctions, these script messages, can be conveyed in a multitude of ways.

Attributions messages – Different family members can play different roles and these are often assigned by caregivers when children are very young. Then it becomes the child’s role to live up to these attributions and be who people have told them they are. Imagine being told that you are “the clever one” or “the sporty one” and how this might then play out in life for you. Equally, if you heard discouraging messages, such as “you’re the silly one” or “you find things hard”, this would impact you in various ways too.

Commands messages- These are direct messages that are given to children by caregivers and may be internalised as script messages if they are delivered often enough and with enough intensity. Imagine not being met with compassion when you were feeling overwhelmed or afraid.  If these emotions were not met with kindness and validation, it can make it hard for us trust our own feelings and to trust that those around us can meet our needs.

Social messages- These include 5 Drivers (also known as counter-injunctions), which were identified by Kahler and Capers (1974)

·      Please people

·      Be strong

·      Be perfect

·      Hurry up

·      Try hard

Psychological messages- Include for the most part, messages which are communicated non-verbally and usually have their origins in the parent’s Child ego state. Read here for more information about basic Ego states. Whilst these can be helpful and constructive, they can also be very damaging and restrictive. The Gouldings in 1976 categorised these inhibiting and limiting messages into 12 injunctions, which are below.

1- Don’t exist

2- Don’t be you (who you are, or even separate)

3- Don’t be a child

4- Don’t grow up

5- Don’t make it

6- Don’t (do anything)

7- Don’t be important

8- Don’t belong

9- Don’t be close

10- Don’t be well (sane)

11- Don’t think

12- Don’t feel

These powerful messages build our sense of who we are, including how we need to be, in order to be “OK” with those around us, the ones who care for us and often the ones who hold the power.

As we understand ourselves better and the scripts that we developed when small, we can, with the right support, begin to “step out of script” and behave in new and different ways. This can be challenging not only for us, but for those around us, who will likely expect us to be the way that we have always been.

Kelly Taylor
(4 Minutes)

References:
Lapworth, P., Sills, C., (2011) An Introduction of Transactional Analysis, Sage: London